Spring again

The work on the house is well underway with the builders having finished the wall and associated work. We are hoping to have the place painted next week but at this stage, rain is predicted for the whole week so that might be interesting!!

We have a new found energy for renovating and general maintenance which has been great - partly because of the feeling of completion we are reaching with our home but also because it is lovely to spend good time with boy. I love spending my days with him and we are doing more together and have more energy than we had a little while ago.

This weekend, we have noticed how much the jasmine and magnolia flowers are in bloom, especially at night, now that it is warming up and we have the windows and doors open. The scent of the sweet flowers wafts through the house on the breeze and reminds us to breathe and enjoy our lives. The smell of Jasmine has always evoked a sense of calm in me, balmy evenings after a hot day, being in the garden feeling the sun on my skin or just relaxing with a book on the porch. Most of all it is about being at home.

Today I am painting again. I woke early after boy went to golf (at an inhuman hour) and did an hour of yoga. I found a website called myyogaonline.com which has a huge range of yoga videos. I have cancelled my membership at the local yoga centre because I havent been able to get there all year - the classes start too soon after work to get there on time. This system helps me practice at home regularly so I am doing much more than I have for a while, and feeling the benefits again already. It is like magic, yoga. It is one of the few things that calms me in a physical sense.

I have finally made a booking to see a psychologist in a few weeks time. I recently asked my gp about it (after making the booking) and he asked me a few questions about why I wanted to seek help. I tried to summarise it but ended up just blathering on for ages without making a lot of sense. It made me realise that I need to give some thought to how I will respond when the psych asks me how she can help. There is so much - where do you start?? The thing that made me decide to look for a psych was a recent period, albeit short, of depression. I have experienced it before but generally move through relatively well. This time though, I felt quite paralysed by it, it was a complete lack of any energy or emotion, except perhaps a sense of loss. I pulled it back together but realised that I can't subject boy to this sort of thing. I have been increasingly angry and upset recently, he tells me that I might have a stronger sense of it than what may come across to others but I feel increasingly unstable in recent months. I have to put a lot of energy into not indulging these tendencies and hope that the psych can help with some more strategies. It may be true that it helps to talk about it with someone who you don't have to censor yourself in front of. It will also be confronting to verbally acknowledge some of these things too.

Onwards and upwards!