It is funny how the universe works - I have been feeling particularly happy about my job recently, I am getting more work from where I should be getting it from but this has meant I havent been able to work across both offices as much. I didn't think this was a huge problem but it seems that there is more tension around this than I thought. I knew it was causing colleagues to have more work on but I had thought that a large part of my appointment had to do with taking the work from one of the exec's portfolios as the offices had split. I think that the problem comes from people not having thought that there would be quite so much for me to do there so I would have more time to help out but as the exec structure has changed so much, this hasn't quite turned out that way. WHat I can't work out though is whether my colleague is annoyed with me personally or just the situation. I now feel like I am being excluded from the work of their office, which is fine if there is no expectation that I will work with them but the problem is that I have never had a clear understanding of what they expected from me. If I can put this aside, I can continue to enjoy my work and jump into the new challenges that are coming up but I felt quite upset this morning.
Alongside this (or perhaps underlining it) is that I have my first psych appointment tomorrow afternoon. I still haven't had the opportunity (haven't put aside the mental time) to think about what I need to say - or why I am there. I need to put some thought into this. At this stage there are a few obvious things, in no particular order:
- looking for help dealing with anger and sadness that I experience (increasingly)
- continuing issues carrying forward from childhood issues
- trust issues
- dealing with my beliefs about others expectations of me, and not feeling like I can meet them
- help with loss of perspective
I know that these are not simple and I worry that I will have a complete blank when I get in there. There is so much but at the same time, I need to decide whether I want to go into it all. I know a lot of things are interconnected but to really benefit from it, I should probably be focusing on techniques to deal with the effect of things.
